A Quick Update
I know it seems like forever since I wrote. And yeah, “Honoring What Is” was posted over a month ago now. I wrote a post in early December about Hanukkah, my Jewishness, my heritage, and belonging, but due to an at least partially-warranted event that made me feel really anxious about it (OH HELLO ANXIETY DISORDER!), I un-published it in order to edit and review it further before publishing it again. Then I didn’t do that, and it’s still sitting in my “Needs Review” tab. And honestly I don’t know if I will ever actually revisit that post. I want to, as I had been wanting to write that for almost a decade, but the anxiety and panic is very real, and when I think about it I absolutely want to cry.
(For the record, my partner N- is disappointed that I took it down, and has been encouraging me to repost it ever since. Something about not letting other people censor me… about the importance of honesty and authenticity…. about me pushing through/letting go of other peoples perceptions of me and personal opinions and just being boldly, honest and unabashedly me… You know, that thing I preach to literally everyone else all the time? Yeah… that.)
This one will probably be short because, to be honest, I’m so fucking tired. There isn’t enough coffee in the world! (but if you want to try and prove me wrong, you can totally buy me a coffee…)
Holidays happened, and they were pretty good. Hanukkah is my favourite time of the year, and I love celebrating it! I did a thing on Christmas eve that was new and wonderful, and even though I don’t observe Christmas I did have loved ones over for dinner that night, as I always do. I cooked some pretty decent vegan food, and Laura made Trillian a catnip mouse that 100% stole the show.
Personal/health stuff has happened that I will write about eventually. I tweeted about it a bit ago and it went a little viral, and the overwhelming response, well… overwhelmed me! I have been having a hard time engaging with people lately because I’m just so socially overstimulated. But it’s okay. The love and support of so many means the world, and the hate mail just encourages me that I’m doing the right thing with my life. If you haven’t made anyone angry/uncomfortable, are you really affecting change?
Business stuff is happening. Personal stuff is happening. Educational stuff, too! So much is happening, which is amazing, and very necessary for me to maintain my life. But also… I’m really tired, y’all.
I have some excellent thoughts about authenticity and not hiding parts of yourself which came up over the holidays (above and beyond that around the Hanukkah post), so I will write about that soon. I also want to tell you about being in school studying (natural) medicine and focusing on chronic illness, pain, mental health (because of my own conditions), but also the weird guilt of not having “fixed” myself yet. I want to talk more about PTSD, complex and otherwise, anxiety, depression, and other mental health topics. I need to update you on the Complexities Podcast. I want to talk to you about cats and friendship and non monogamous relationships and selfie culture and loving yourself for who you are and what life is like as a disabled person in America and politics and religion and social anarchy and sex and education and physics and the importance of kindness. I have so many things to share with you! They’re coming. I promise you. In the mean time, I’m just trying to keep my head above water.
So, that’s it for now. Just a little update to tell you I’m still here, still kickin’. And I’ll be sharing some of the wild, wonderous nonsense kicking around my brainpan soon.
Thank you for your patience and your support. I love you all so much!